This may be long… so bear with me.
I have noticed a few repetitive themes over the last two weeks. Resilience, conditioning and letting go of old thought patterns. I’m going to address each as its own thought but they may merge. IDK – we’ll see what happens.
Resilience…pushing forward. Not giving up. I was down but not out. The need to push forward is greater than the desire to stay stagnant.
I so badly want to succeed. I realize it will not be in the same way – actually, I KNOW it will not be. I may achieve the same outcome but the way I get to the outcome will be different. That’s the biggest part of the story, right? The journey.
I was reading about resistance and how it seeps into our daily thoughts and activities. How we are easily overcome by self-sabotage because of the whispers resistance speaks into our life. Here’s the thing – it comes from within. We are the source OF and the voice TO resistance.
I bring this up because it has been a constant struggle through the trials I have been facing.
Which leads me to conditioning.
MAN oh MAN! Do I have a bone to pick with conditioning. I am so over conditioning. It’s the irritating roach problem that NEVER fucking disappears.
How much undoing to do I have to do?! How many generational curses have to be broken? How many thought patterns need to be killed? How many situations do I have to talk through with my kids so they don’t inherit someone else’s baggage?
It never ends. It just doesn’t. I understand that. It’s a reality I have to come to terms with. Doesn’t mean I enjoy it. Doesn’t mean I am good at it. But it does mean I have to remain vigilant in my efforts to recognize it.
I listened to a podcast by Brené Brown describing what shame and guilt are. After listening to that I realized how much shaming actually happens every day.
Every.
Single.
Day.
Most times it is done unknowingly. Without any ill will. Yet it happens and causes a deeply engrained theme in our lives.
With this – I am brought to the realization of how often my children encounter these situations. Talk about uphill battles. Who knew?!
I use to joke about just keeping my kids alive.
That’s not even a thing anymore.
Now it’s – how well can I help them navigate the brokenness of the world?!
I know I will do the best that I can with what I currently have. I know that. I will remind myself of that when I am older and they have left the nest.
I didn’t know what I didn’t know.
That’s why I keep learning. I crave knowledge of myself. Of my thought patterns. Of my habits. I want to know all the ways I can BE better so I can DO better for our girls.
There are so many ways we have to undo what we are taught. We are constantly inundated with messages that do not serve a higher purpose. Often times we are led to believe there is an easy way to achieve a desired outcome.
I am here to tell you – there is no fast tract to the undoings.
It hurts.
It is frustrating.
It is shell shocking.
It is also liberating, inspiring and fulfilling. So while I have been struggling through these themes – I have never felt so much more at ease in my being.
🎧Song: Energy by Tyla Jane
